Friday, 27 November 2015

Joe's Kitchen

Joe’s Kitchen – Manchester Airport / Terminal 1
At Manchester Airport again.
You’re tired and you’re hungry, and slightly insane
Jet-lagged and red-eyed from hours in a plane
From Cancun, Orlando or somewhere in Spain

So what’s to do?  A butty from Boots, Greggs  or the Spar?
Certainly not, when there’s the finest by far – Joe’s Kitchen
With Joe’s Kitchen, you know where you are
Welcome in, and listen to the music

The staff are so friendly, whatever you need
A little or a lot, they’re happy to feed you
With quality seasonal  grub, better than any pub

Ask for Dave from Bench Hill
Or Polish Karolina, Marlena, Merilin, Kasia (Kate), Paul, Angel
And others I don’t yet know – thankyou all

The managers and manageresses - you know who you are
Any of them will give you great service at Joe’s

They’ll bring you an excellent brew
You’ll quaff it, and go for another, or two
Be sure to get stamps on a loyalty card
You’ll be coming again, by plane, tram or train
Six stamps – the next coffee is free - gratis, you see

I had the veggie omelette – nothing died for me
Even the bacon can’t tempt me, you see
I also go for Heinz beans – protein-rich, and hopefully flatulence-free

Today we shared poetry – Knickers That Fit
Quite rude in parts, but Hayley ( off Corrie ) liked it, quite a bit
One night at the Green Room in the city. Now gone? What a pity

It was hard at the mic’ yet powerful that night
Drunk on the lager, what else could I do but try a poem or two?
A Woman for a Week? This Day Will Never Come Again? Kelly Kissed Me?
Not sure – it was all a bit of a blur
But it went down well. So what the hell?

At Joe’s, I’ve not tried all the specials or soups
We’ll have to start coming for tea, Kathleen & me
Joe’s Kitchen (Manchester) must be one of the best – better than the rest
There is one in Derby – we might go one day, to draw the comparisons
But I’m sure that we’ll say – Manchester’s best – I recommend it. Do give it a try

Even the toast is the best that I know
With butter, marmalade or jams. Peanut butter, Nutella – even Marmite, oh no!

The specials on the board – beautiful written, and lovingly prepared, by chefs who care
To all of the staff - each one a treasure, a star
Overworked?  Underpaid ? – that’s not for me to say
Anyway -just leave them a little tip if you like
A smile or two, a thank you, a compliment, a Jolly Well Done
A winning lottery ticket, all’s welcome at Joe’s

And who is this Joe? Don’t know – but his Kitchen’s damn good
Try it, you should – you’ll be so glad that you did

But if you’re not fully satisfied, charge it to John
The yellow coat will find me, but if I’ve gone
I’ll be back in the morning, some day soon

My credit card is American Express 4020 XXXX  1243 9999 Exp 03/17 Security aha

Cheers to all at Joe’s and ‘bye for now.

John, from Bury

Saturday, 22 August 2009


One for sorrow?
If you let it.
Best forget it.
Two for joy?
But I’ll provide the answers,thank you.
Life is neither good nor bad;
It’s what you make it, I think.

Horoscopes, lucky horseshoes
Four-leaf clover, rabbit’s foot.
Lucky charm?
Well not for him it wasn’t.

I wouldn’t ask a wise man or a witch – black or white.
It’s life, not a roll of the dice.
The choices we make,
And the routes that we take
Shouldn’t be done
On the words of some prat in The Sun
Or some Internet wizard who’s programmed to say :
“Beware of the danger
Of hurt from a stranger.
Click twice for happiness.
Link to my web page”

One for sorrow?
If you let it.
Best forget it.
I think.

Thursday, 13 August 2009

Holland's Pies

[ A poem from the time of the Sydney Olympics, 2000]

The girl from Greenmount’s boyfriend
Winning Gold for Britain
Swimming with such power, massive thighs
Winning gold with ease
On Holland’s pies and mushy peas
Which the tattoos on his buttocks advertise

Several hours of training
Up and down the cut
Whether it’s rainy or dry
And whenever he’s in need of that bit of extra speed
He grabs himself another Holland’s pie

Something in the pastry
Or the lovely meaty filling
Seems to give him boundless energy
Without flatulence
God willing
Faithful to the end
The athlete’s solid friend
Holland’s, Britain’s premier pie

So as the national anthem plays
Our hero simply says:
I did it for me girlfriend
And I did it for me Mum
But I owe it all to Holland’s
(See the tattoos on me bum)
Without Holland’s steak and kidney
I wouldn’t even be in Sydney
Holland’s - Britain’s medal winning pies
Pop in……..we’re op’n

Friday, 7 August 2009

A Vegetarian Toast

Here’s to all the animals who died so we can eat
Cows and sheep and pigs and chickens ending up as meat

Here’s to modern farming, so efficient in its way
Veal pens and battery hens that must be made to pay

Here’s to all the lorry drivers, all prepared to earn
Transporting frightened animals down a road of no return

Here’s to all the slaughtermen, with guts enough to do it
Butchering in the abattoir, bloody water running through it

Here’s to pet-food processing that takes away the waste
All the unseen horrors that would take away the taste

But here’s to vegetarianism, food that’s just as good
As any chunks of animal, running in its blood

Here’s to all the soya beans, salads, fruits and grains
Without any risk of BSE damaging our brains

For with every scare I realise that daily eating meat
Is a risky choice of protein - our knowledge incomplete

But the choice is for each one of us
Here’s to what you choose

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Red Meat

Red Meat
I love it
I just do

But I don’t wanna be that man
With his finger on the trigger of the killing gun
Or his mates with their sharpened knives
Spending their lives
In meat murder
Feeding their wives
And giving us
Red Meat
So nice to eat

I love red meat
But would I love the awful offal
The nasty waste that nobody sees
In cling-film packets at Sainsbury’s
The waste
The animal lives
Ended, so cruelly
For you and me
Sheep for tea

Does it hurt?
No, not very much
Killed with a quite compassionate touch
Or slit and bled when not quite dead

So wash away the blood
Take away the awful waste
Just leave the taste of meat for me
Pigs for tea
Pork, bacon, ham
Or even Spam
Don’t give me jam
I need my meat to be a big strong man

I could hate red meat if I really tried
To think about the friend that died
And ended, fried, or curried
I never used to be that worried
But I’m starting to see the hypocrisy
In piecework slaughter
With cruelty

And I quite like cows, but it’s tended to be
On a plate with chips
Killed for me
In the unseen horrors of an industry
That I can’t support any longer

I’m starting to change
So, what’s for tea
Heinz beans
Protein rich
And hopefully
Flatulence free

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

This Day

[ My Carpe Diem Poem ]

This day will never come again
Do not waste it
It is for living
For it will not come again

Treat it as special, for it is
Live it well
For it will soon be tomorrow
And you would not wish to regret
Things left undone, unsaid

Savour every moment
Pause…. Linger….Enjoy
The colours of it
In its special light
Its scents and smells
Even its weather
Come wind, come rain

Feel it beneath your feet
Take off your shoes and socks and really feel it

Treat it to music - good music
But listen also to its silences, in wonder

Make it the best day you’ve ever had
So that, at its end you can say
I gave it 100%
Really tried
Did it all
Maybe failed
But still, gave it my best shot

Lived, laughed, loved
Helped another
‘Phoned my mother
Tried to be the best I can
Let no man stress me,
Or woman
Come traffic, taxman, politicians
This isn’t just any day
It has been waiting in the wings for us since the dawn of time

So, rejoice and be glad in it
Even for a reason, why be sad in it?
Why spend it in anger, boredom, sin?
Eating chocolate,

Why waste it procrastinating?
Days have been lost by hesitating
Waiting for a better day
That never comes your way

So, all this makes me want to Seize the Day
So none can say – It slipped away

In work and play
Live it
Give it everything
Is there any other way?

And on any day
Treat it as your last, because for some it is
Life is a tender flower and what lies beyond
A test of faith

Tomorrow will not worry me
Nor yesterday
All we have
And all we need
Is ……This Day

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Kelly Kissed Me

or Love Amongst The Shift Chemists
[At a Warrington chemical works,
young Kelly arouses the feelings of a colleague on the night shift]
“Kelly kissed me,
She rose from the seat where she sat,
And she kissed me.”
The lady denies, with fire in her eyes.
It is lies!
"I didn’t.
I wouldn’t.
He’s older than you, John,
I couldn’t.
And me Mum said I shouldn’t.
I didn’t."
On a night shift one Saturday night,
Not feeling too bright.
I was nodding off, yawning,
When without any warning,
Kelly kissed me.
She rose from the seat where she sat,
And she kissed me,
Twice - First one missed me
She kissed me and then - She did it again
I said “Kelly, Are you pissed?
You just kissed me,
You just couldn’t resist me.
I’ve been kissed once today,
Just in the usual way
But your kisses,
They’re not like the missus’
They’re sweeter”
“Well”, said Kelly,
“That could be the jelly”
“ ‘coz I love being covered in jelly.
Raspberry, lovely and smelly.”
I says with a grin –
“Can I rub it in?”
She says “No, get your hand off my belly”
And later, as Sunday was dawning,
Again with no warning,
As the morning sunlight lit up her hair,
Kelly kissed me, just there..
And each kiss left me reeling.
Such passion, such feeling.
I said “Kelly, Can we do it kneeling?”
“Hang on, it was only a kiss.
I’m not offering sexual bliss.
It’s a token, a greeting,
Two bodies meeting.
Just a kiss.”
“But the feel of your lips,
With your hands on my hips
Oh, Kelly, Why are your kisses so special to me?”
“Ah well”, she says –
“I’m an expert,
I’ve got a degree!”
“Wilf, Kelly kissed you?
You’re lyin’
She weren’t even tryin’
Or perhaps it was Brian”
Say what you want,
I’m sure that you will.
But I’ll tell you again,
The truth is still :
Kelly Kissed Me!
So say I'm weary; Say I'm sad
Say that health and wealth have missed me
Say I'm growing old, but add
That Kelly Morton Kissed Me!