Knickers That Fit

A womens' poem

They say size doesn’t matter
But as we get fatter
It’s important
Knickers That Fit

A brief or a thong
So tight and so wrong
Admit it, and don’t be a twit
Only wear knickers that fit

We get older and wiser
But bigger and fatter
It’s a matter of size
Tight knickers don’t flatter
Just open your eyes and you’ll see

Elastic that pinches superfluous inches
Gussets that bite where the fit isn’t right
Your knickers might not take the strain
Unbearable tension they cannot sustain
Over and over and over again

Are they tight in the beam?
Or struggling to hold at the seam?
Stitches coming apart
In tension, you suffer
Not daring to sit down
Because of the surplus of tum
And the wedgie that’s stuck up your bum

Shortage of fabric
That’s one way to say it in a roundabout way
Too short for your weight
You need to be taller
Your knickers have shrunk and gone smaller

So please won’t you try
When out shopping to buy
Knickers that fit
Not what used to fit you historically

Now you’re bigger
A much fuller figure
Old and wise, but a different size
“They fitted before”
Yes, but now there’s much more of you

Gone are the days of size 10
We may never see then again
Or was it 12 or 14 that you have always have been?
Now you long for sweet little 16

Whatever your past
It’s different today
Figures don’t last
Figures change
And sadly we slip up the range
Towards the plus sizes
Large, and there’s larger than that
You’ve put on a pound or two
Little bit more of you
Rounder, OK just fat

And you cannot disguise
That your diets consisted
Of too many pies
And chips
Chocolate, crisps
High calorie dips
Snacking and grazing
Sitting and lazing


It’s a shame and a pity
When people are hungry today
Not too far away
Just existing, not living,
And here we are tending to fat
Where’s the fairness in that?

And in over-eating, what need are we meeting
Hungry inside for what?
I saw it on Oprah one day
It’s food and it’s mood
And it’s far from OK
‘Coz it’s taking our figures away

Let’s do something about it
Exercise? Diet?
We all ought to try
[Nothing tastes as good as Knickers That Fit feels]
Calorie-counting, jogging and sweating
Never forgetting
Hips and thighs
As we trim to our previous size

Now fitter and slimmer
We smile at the mirror
We pull on our trollies with ease
A fit that feels pleasing, not tight
A fit that feels ever so right
Knickers that fit without pain
Knickers that let you breathe out once again

Now our knickers are slack
With some give at the back
Fitting with comfort and style
At least for a while
Now we smile

‘coz we’ll buy
Knickers so sheer and so fine
No visible panty-line
Satin and silky
Lacy and frilly
Why were we silly to cram ourselves in
To knickers that fitted us when we were thin?

Knickers That Fit
Such bliss
Now tell me.
Does my bum look big in this?

October 2000